“The struggle is real.”
What struggle? The struggle when you’re sitting on the beach or by the pool? The struggle when you’re sitting in a restaurant with all your besties (another word we might want to retire, by the way) and Happy Hour Cosmos and Mojitos are lined up in front of you? There is no struggle. And it is not real.
“I can’t even.”
You can’t even what? Comment? Because you just did. React? Ditto.
If you want to just say no, couldn’t you literally just say, “No”? Isn’t that an option?
Speaking of literally, please stop using it. Odds are, it’s being used incorrectly. And that literally makes me lose my shit. (I was being ironic right there. The misuse of “literally” makes me lose my shit figuratively. Not literally.)
“Sorry, not sorry.”
Do you not even see how stupid that sounds? You’re sorry that you’re not sorry? STOP IT!
Ya know, because donuts. Because macarons. Because any-effing-thing pumpkin. Because margaritas. Because whatever-the-eff. Stop it. It’s not a thing.
While we’re at it, we should all stop writing in a way that looks –> Like. This. That was witty for about a minute, and that minute was up like months ago.
Let’s not forget sparkles, glitter, and unicorns. We should probably hold off on any comments that involve any of those. Unless — and that’s a big unless, mind you — it is fresh, clever, and/or funny. Otherwise, just no. I’m. Begging. You.