Fridays with Frank: What a day.

This past week has been a drag, considering my human has been ill. As a result, we’ve been lying around the house almost all day long. Granted, that’s my usual m.o., but it seems like a real drag when someone else is doing it.

I got the thrill of my life when I was handed a stuffed frog. It was pretty much the best day ever (which is what I say every time I get a stuffed animal).

Awww…see how gentle I can be?

I carried it around the house for about 10 minutes, then I started chewing on it. Nicely, of course. Just a slow, gentle, soothing chewing. The kind you could fall asleep while doing. But then it turned into THIS.

OMG!!! MUST. EAT. THE. FROG!

I pretty much sucked the guts out of this poor frog so he wound up in the trash can a few minutes later. Ho-hum.

So let me tell you how yesterday went. It was rather eventful.

I started off the day by feeling rather “blah.” I just laid around for a few hours and then I puked all over the rug. My human almost — seriously, she was framing the shot — took a picture of it but I advised her against it. Basically I just looked at her like, “Really?” and she went, “Oh God, what’s the matter with me? No one wants to see that.” Yeah, no kidding. I sure didn’t. But I couldn’t stop her from taking this picture…

Ick. For the record, I do not eat what I regurgitate. I only eat my poop, thank you.

You should have seen the mess that made this mess. Oof. However, she pulled the Rug Doctor out of the closet and dragged it across the floor, moaning and groaning like it was a boat anchor.

Great product placement, right? You’re welcome, Rug Doctor.

Voila! What do you know? It worked! Sweet! In case you were wondering, my human couldn’t open the bottle of Rug Doctor shampoo so she came up with her own concoction. She filled the canister up about halfway with water, poured in some Mr. Clean (not a lot but enough, she said), and added a generous helping of Out! Stain and Odor Remover.

Thank you, Mr. Clean and Out! (And you’re welcome!)

She wanted me to point out that, yes, she is aware that such a formula is not recommended by Rug Doctor but too bad. It worked, didn’t it? (If you can imagine that said in a huffy tone, you nailed it.)

We topped off the day with a humungous package from Amazon that was all for me. It had a (warning: affiliate link on the horizon! do not click! do not click! unless you want to help me get new treats, that is.) fleece dog bed inside that was a tad on the small size, but considering how I lay in it…

It works.

It’s not thick, or fluffy, but that’s probably a good thing since I tend to destroy anything with stuffing. It’s better than sleeping on the floor, but not much. I am pretty sure this “bed” is meant for crates, but it’ll do for now. Baby steps, folks, baby steps.

I have to get my human to trust me again before I can get a huge, fluffy bed that I can chew to shreds. Er, I mean, cuddle up in. *sheepish grin*

P.S. In case you were wondering (warning: do not read further if you don’t want to read about bodily functions), I didn’t throw up after that one episode. A few hours later, though, I had a bowel movement that was about two feet long (OK, I’m exaggerating, but you get the idea) so we figured that had something to do with my malaise and vomiting. Since I cleared out, everything has been A-OK. Whew. What a day.