This has been a bumpy transition for everyone. But mainly for me, the German Shepherd puppy who has recently shacked up with two cats and two humans.
My human is obsessed with me.
She constantly takes pictures of me — “trying to get the perfect shot,” she says — but I’m too quick for her most of the time. Ha! (Kristin: The internet loves puppies and dogs. Get used to it.)
She also sleeps next to me, like every. single. night. What the heck is that about? The minute she opens her eyes, she jumps up, puts her shoes on, and says, “Wanna go outside?” over and over. Of course I want to go outside. Who wouldn’t? (Kristin: I have to sleep next to you because you’re an 11-week-old German Shepherd puppy. If you wake up in the middle of the night, it’s probably because you need to relieve yourself. And I’d prefer you not do it on the dining room rug. Speaking of which, could you stop doing that?)
Speaking of her speaking (see what I did there? ha!), she talks in this high-pitched voice like I’m a baby. It’s so frustrating. I might only be a baby German Shepherd puppy, but I’m actually 21 months old in doggy years. I’m not sure how that works exactly, but I’m trying to get a handle on this whole math thing. Let me tell you, this Common Core crap is for the birds. (Kristin: First of all, you are a baby! Second, you don’t even know what Common Core is. Stop logging into Facebook under my account and scanning my News Feed.)
My human is also a little stingy with the treats. Shouldn’t I be getting rewards for being housebroken, since I’m only three months old? (Kristin: Yes. If you were actually housebroken. But you’re not. I have to keep dragging you outside to make sure you don’t destroy the house with your waste. Jerk. And you’re not even three months old yet. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.)
The cats hate me.
No matter what I do (and I’m really holding back from terrorizing these cats), the big one avoids me at all costs. She even smacked me in the nose when all I was doing was teasing her. Good Lord, those claws!
Don’t even get me started on the little one. She growls (cats growl? who knew?) and hisses at me constantly. Sometimes when she hisses, she spits on me. Gross! This morning, she scratched my nose when I had her cornered in the kitchen. It didn’t hurt but, boy, she was freaking out. It was pretty funny. (Kristin: I am also frustrated by the cats’ reaction to you. Hopefully they’ll chill out soon. And as far as kitten spittle being gross? Are you serious? I have to constantly distract you so you won’t eat your own poop. Cut me a break.)
I actually like going to the vet.
I went to see the doctor last week and it was pretty cool. There were a bunch of other dogs and they were all nice to me. The best part was all the humans saying I was so pretty and cute and well-behaved. But then I had my exam and the lady (not sure she should be called a lady after what she did to me — couldn’t she just sniff my butt? Who does such a thing to a puppy?? Gross!) said that German Shepherds were the “worst patients.” The nerve! So I really put on the charm to get her to lighten up and nothing. Sheesh.
My ears aren’t standing up yet.
Apparently this is a “thing” when you’re a German Shepherd puppy. (Did you know there are tutorials about how to get German Shepherd puppy ears to stand up? Freaks!) As you can see, my sister (on the right) was lucky enough to be an early bloomer. She was smaller than me but her ears were already standing up. My ears were floppy but I was way bigger than her, so I was able to jump on her and push her ears down.
A few days ago, one of my ears started standing up. Thank God. I check the mirror every morning to see if my other ear has straightened out but nope. Not yet.
I got to play in the snow for the first time.
It’s the first day of spring, but we got several inches of snow here. I ran around in the snow, jumped in the snow, and ate the snow. It was awesome! The only drawback? Every time I’m outside, my human says, “You come in the house, you wipe your wheels” when I come back in. Still, with the Seinfeld references? Move on, human. (Kristin: This coming from someone who watches Keeping Up With the Kardashians? Spare me. And, no, I will not help you google “Scott Disick rehab Costa Rica.”)
Check out next week’s column!