I must be stopped. Alternatively, I might be a saint.

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Last week, while I was in the hospital, I was placing orders on Amazon via my phone. I was also texting like crazy.

Last night (as in, like 2 a.m.), I got the genius idea to peruse eBay. It’s like the perfect storm: I’m sick, I’m on multiple medications, I’m sleep-deprived…I can’t seem to accomplish anything that requires real brain power (beyond remembering when Frasier, Cheers, and Bonanza reruns are on) but I sure can shop online with the best of them.

Let me just preface this by saying that shopping while ill, in pain, on medications, and unable to sleep wasn’t exactly a genius move. So I headed to eBay for a change of pace and started bidding…on multiple items.

Oy.

So, today, I won both of these auctions (I actually won three. Don’t judge me….the stuff isn’t even for me, so basically this is just evidence of what a selfless, generous human being I am.):

"Ebay Girls Kids Clothing"

And this one…

"Ebay Kids Girls Clothing"

And, since they were from the same buyer, I thought, what the heck…I should be able to get the shipping charges reduced. So then I started writing an e-mail. *sigh*

Dear rXxXxXxXxXxXlz,

Hi, ____…I was just hoping that I could get a break on shipping since I won two auctions and they can be shipped together in one package. I don’t want to be a poop…and if it’s not possible that’s OK. I’m just trying to save a few dollars here and there because I have to help purchase an entire wardrobe for my niece, who’s lost everything (I’m not trying to get sympathy or anything, just trying to explain I’m not just being a cheapskate…wow, I should just stop talking, huh? LOL). 

Anyhow, that’s why I originally requested an invoice for the total, because I thought shipping might be adjusted in light of having won two auctions. (Now I am trying to keep writing so I hit the character limit, I think.) 

Anyway, I hope I’m not being a pest. I’ve been in bed a lot lately (I just got out of the hospital), so I have to find creative ways to talk to people. I’m not actually nuts. I’m actually pretty normal. 

Maybe not. But I’m not totally abnormal.

I am out of characters as of…NOW

- kXxXxXee

This is a direct copy and paste, so help me God. Yes, I told a complete stranger that I “don’t want to be a poop.” A poop. Then I went on to explain that I don’t have mental problems. (Aren’t people with mental problems usually the first to point out that they don’t have mental problems?) All this so I might be able to save, what, $3? Whoopee. Then I can buy what? Almost a gallon of milk? What is wrong with me?

This is probably not a good time to mention that I also placed two other orders last night — no, wait, THREE! Eek. However…only ONE of the orders I placed last night was for me, so I might just be a bonafide saint. But hold off on sending me any items to touch so that they become infused with my spirit until we’re sure. Unless they’re designer bags. I’m pretty sure my spirit will pass into your designer bag, but I might have to hold onto it for a while to be certain. Please note: I also don’t pay return postage. One of these orders was paid for with a credit, so that doesn’t really count. But the fact remains that I placed two other orders in addition to the eBay purchases. Sweet fancy Moses. I have to get well. Soon. Or I’m gonna go broke. Or get committed.

Or both.

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Comments

  1. says

    love this post and i can so sympathize in more ways than one. i have been in the hospital way too much myself (have lupus) and i have a slight problem with ebay and online shopping in general. and don’t get me started on how bad it is when on pain meds. good lord! watch out wallet. :/

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