I haven’t been watching the 2012 Summer Olympics.
Relax. It’s not a crime.
However, if the International Olympics Committee could stir things up a little, I would totally watch. The current summer agenda includes sports such as badminton, handball, sailing, shooting, table tennis, race-walking (race-walking? Seriously?), and the hammer throw. Badminton? Oh yeah, that’s a sport. One I used to play in my grandmother’s backyard. Get away from me with this badminton crap. Oh, and in 2016, we’ll also be subjected to rugby and the fast-paced, edge-of-your-seat sport of golf. Snoozefest.
Do you know how sports (or disciplines) make it into the Olympics? They have to be widely practiced/prevalent around the world. Hammer-throwing is widely practiced throughout the world? Really? Race-walking? In how many countries is that done?
Then again, the same could be said about the “sport” of curling. Believe it or not, it was an official Olympic sport in 1924 before being discontinued and then reinstated in 1998. So, apparently, people are curling all over the world. Who knew?
If the Committee is reading this, I’d like to recommend a few “sports” to make the Olympics a little more interesting. We can discuss the logistics later.
- Tug of War. This actually used to be an Olympic sport. I’m not kidding. Wouldn’t this be great to watch? Especially if there was a big mud puddle in the middle of the two teams. Sweet.
- Dodgeball. Come on. This is a rather elementary sport that I suspect is widely played by children all around the world. Hence, it falls within the Committee’s provision.
- Horseshoes. I think this might be even more fun to watch if we let the participants drink beer while they play. Points for talking smack, but only if it’s funny and/or clever.
- Darts. This is such an obvious one. Seriously. If archery is an Olympic sport, why isn’t darts? That’s just silly.
- Yahtzee. This is so a discipline. Do you know how hard it is to not zero out your Yahtzee when you have a bad turn? And, if we allow players to use that annoying plastic cup, all hell could break loose. I’d watch a Yahtzee tournament in a second.
- Chair-spinning. Ya know, like everyone who has ever sat in a chair with wheels has done, probably all over the world? Hence, it is “widely practiced.” Take that, Committee.
- Jarts. No, not the plastic ones. If we can allow athletes to ski while shooting (or shoot while skiing), I think they can handle the metal jarts. Of course, they’d lose a point if they struck an opponent with a jart. I mean, we are civilized.
- “Fencing.” As in fence-jumping. And not like hurdles, either. Like West Side Story fence-jumping. The really cool kind. This could easily fall under the track and field category.
- Tent-pitching. This can be quite difficult. That is, if my memory of the great camping cataclysm of 1985 is accurate. Between my father’s significant difficulties at setting up the tent on our one and only camping trip (thank goodness) in the rain and my absolute horror at a) missing Live Aid, which was playing in Philly that weekend and b) having to spend an entire weekend as a 15-year-old with my family at a campground. To be fair, the athletes would have to pitch a tent in the rain with a ridiculous amount of rods and spikes. And perhaps while having to deal with a teenager who has a bad attitude.
- Creek Crossing. If you’ve never crossed a creek by stepping (or jumping) from rock to rock, you haven’t lived. Of course, when the rocks have algae on them or aren’t quite breaching the surface of the water, crossing the creek can get hairy. Plus, not all rocks are created equal. Some are small, some are misshapen, some are pointy, some are unstable…oh yeah, bring on Creek Crossing. (And, yes, this is definitely “widely practiced” around the world.)
Before you leave a comment telling me how _______ my list is, think about curling. Yeah, curling. If you accept that (or race-walking or badminton), then any of these suggestions should be considered just as valid.