Santa, Put Your Suit On. Please.

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I’m a Christmas freak. Seriously. I love love LOVE Christmas. I decorate as early as possible (like as soon as Halloween is over) and I listen to Christmas music around the clock and I love Christmas movies.

For me, an ideal evening is drinking hot chocolate (with marshmallows, of course, and maybe a spritz of peppermint schnapps…don’t judge me) and watching a Christmas movie (preferably The Bishop’s Wife or It’s a Wonderful Life) by the light of the Christmas tree. Yeah, I’m that person.

That being said, I do have standards. So, as I was walking down the steps in my mother’s house today, I was quite startled to see this…

"Santa Decoration Christmas"

What. The. Hell.

This offends my Christmas sensibilities. In a major way. In fact, to me, it’s almost on par with the Trilogy of Terror doll. Creepy!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with that creature, it’s the Zuni doll from Trilogy of Terror. It’s hideous. And creepy, so creepy. Kinda like this Santa Fisherman. Or Fisherman Santa. I don’t know what you call him.

"Santa Fisherman Decoration"

This is not cute or witty or what-have-you. It’s silly and tacky and kitschy. (No offense if this Fisherman Santa/Santa Fisherman appeals to your sensibilities.) There are two reasons this “thing” creeps me out. Yes, I’m going to tell you.

For starters, this does not fit in with my mother’s Christmas decorations, which I would categorize as classic and traditional — candles, white lights, evergreens, bows, and so on. There’s nothing kitschy in her entire collection of Christmas decorations. Nothing. She doesn’t do silly or tongue-in-cheek or any of that. So, this Santa Fisherman/Fisherman Santa is patently ridiculous when you take in her decor as a whole.

Second, this doll/statue/thing was a gift to my mother shortly after my father died of lung cancer. It was presented to my mother because of “similarities” to my father, who was a) a big guy (I guess, kinda Santa-like, but I find that comparison rude), b) he always had a beard (although a closely trimmed one), and c) he liked to fish. Now, I’m a sentimental gal…but to display this because someone said it reminded them of my father? I don’t really think it’s sweet, sentimental, or even all that nice. Take a close look:

"Fishing Santa"

I cannot even put into words my disdain for this Santa. Which brings me to the third reason (yes, I initially said two, but now it’s three. My blog, my rules.) why I hate this thing.

Santa belongs in his Santa suit. Period. He rides a sleigh or strolls around his workshop, checking on the toy-making elves. Period. He doesn’t do this…

Nor does he fly airplanes.

Or drive a tractor, for that matter.


And when would Santa be on a motorcycle? You can’t ride a motorcycle at the North Pole, in snow and ice. I mean, be realistic. And an airplane? Do you know the allowable weight on aerobatic single seater like the one featured above? About 250 pounds in addition to the weight of the aircraft, give or take. He couldn’t even take off at his size!

Not to mention, how would he even learn how to fly the thing, given that, once again, the North Pole is covered in ice and snow…so how exactly could he take off and land? I mean, really. You’re just insulting my intelligence at this point. Which brings us to the tractor. Yeah, that makes sense. There’s a huge need for a tractor up at the North Pole, right? Right.

I know, I know…these sorts of decorations are popular. I know. I don’t pretend to “get” it, but I do know it.

I also don’t “get” this…

"Naughty Santa Ornament"

Call me a Santa purist…but I don’t think a naked Santa with S&M overtones is appropriate. Ick. Take that for what it’s worth, though, cause I still get the willies from this guy:

"Santa Fisherman Decoration"

Fisherman Santa/Santa Fisherman also is not appropriate. Ever. Ever ever ever.

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  1. says

    Ha ha ha! Laughing out loud right now, I was able to relate on how you reacted upon seeing the fisherman Santa. Anyway, we got the same habit during the holiday season; however, I drink coffee instead of hot choco. Advance merry Christmas!

  2. betty says

    That Zuni doll was a blast from the past – and that was one scary show.
    Santa was way more important when my kids were little.

  3. says

    kristin i first saw you on facebook to paint or not. iam a carpenter by trade and could not understand why you would even ask on some of the beautiful antiques you were showing. at first i thought it was your way of advertising yourself because it was obvious you knew not to paint. i read your i think i was raped it was unreal.your a very strong lady iam truely sorry for your ordeal and you are very gifted. i wiil laugh at some of your posts and chagrin at others keep up your good work. dan

    • says

      Hi, Dan. I come from a family of carpenters, so I’m not one to paint over wood, trust me. I like sharing the pieces that I find on Craigslist or Ebay or wherever…and truth be told, if I say ANYTHING other than “Paint or No?” then hardly anyone sees the post. I like to share these unique and rare and amazing pieces that I find. I’ve tried to say, “I LOVE this piece” or “Wow!” or “Would you buy this?” or “How would you use this?” etc., and NO ONE sees it. So, I tend to go back to “Paint or No?” in order for more people to see it, because I think people enjoy looking at antiques/vintage/retro pieces. I really just want to share them, and it’s the only way I’ve figured out to do so. But, as you probably know, there are people who paint anything and everything. Eek.

      Thanks for the compliment. I do appreciate it. And thank you for stopping by. And, trust me…I never say anything just for the sake of outraging people or getting anyone riled up. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Except for “Paint or No?” If people cared when I asked, “Isn’t this amazing?” Then I would never mention “paint.” If people cared when I said, “I LOVE this dresser!” I’d never say, “Paint or No?” again. Honest. I even wrote about it here: It’s very frustrating. LOL.
      Kristin recently posted..Need Christmas Tattoo Ideas? I have some!My Profile

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