I’m a Christmas freak. Seriously. I love love LOVE Christmas. I decorate as early as possible (like as soon as Halloween is over) and I listen to Christmas music around the clock and I love Christmas movies.
For me, an ideal evening is drinking hot chocolate (with marshmallows, of course, and maybe a spritz of peppermint schnapps…don’t judge me) and watching a Christmas movie (preferably The Bishop’s Wife or It’s a Wonderful Life) by the light of the Christmas tree. Yeah, I’m that person.
That being said, I do have standards. So, as I was walking down the steps in my mother’s house today, I was quite startled to see this…
What. The. Hell.
This offends my Christmas sensibilities. In a major way. In fact, to me, it’s almost on par with the Trilogy of Terror doll. Creepy!
For those of you who are unfamiliar with that creature, it’s the Zuni doll from Trilogy of Terror. It’s hideous. And creepy, so creepy. Kinda like this Santa Fisherman. Or Fisherman Santa. I don’t know what you call him.
This is not cute or witty or what-have-you. It’s silly and tacky and kitschy. (No offense if this Fisherman Santa/Santa Fisherman appeals to your sensibilities.) There are two reasons this “thing” creeps me out. Yes, I’m going to tell you.
For starters, this does not fit in with my mother’s Christmas decorations, which I would categorize as classic and traditional — candles, white lights, evergreens, bows, and so on. There’s nothing kitschy in her entire collection of Christmas decorations. Nothing. She doesn’t do silly or tongue-in-cheek or any of that. So, this Santa Fisherman/Fisherman Santa is patently ridiculous when you take in her decor as a whole.
Second, this doll/statue/thing was a gift to my mother shortly after my father died of lung cancer. It was presented to my mother because of “similarities” to my father, who was a) a big guy (I guess, kinda Santa-like, but I find that comparison rude), b) he always had a beard (although a closely trimmed one), and c) he liked to fish. Now, I’m a sentimental gal…but to display this because someone said it reminded them of my father? I don’t really think it’s sweet, sentimental, or even all that nice. Take a close look:
I cannot even put into words my disdain for this Santa. Which brings me to the third reason (yes, I initially said two, but now it’s three. My blog, my rules.) why I hate this thing.
Santa belongs in his Santa suit. Period. He rides a sleigh or strolls around his workshop, checking on the toy-making elves. Period. He doesn’t do this…
Not to mention, how would he even learn how to fly the thing, given that, once again, the North Pole is covered in ice and snow…so how exactly could he take off and land? I mean, really. You’re just insulting my intelligence at this point. Which brings us to the tractor. Yeah, that makes sense. There’s a huge need for a tractor up at the North Pole, right? Right.
I know, I know…these sorts of decorations are popular. I know. I don’t pretend to “get” it, but I do know it.
I also don’t “get” this…
Call me a Santa purist…but I don’t think a naked Santa with S&M overtones is appropriate. Ick. Take that for what it’s worth, though, cause I still get the willies from this guy:
Fisherman Santa/Santa Fisherman also is not appropriate. Ever. Ever ever ever.